The big thing about going through the experience of a divorce is that it leaves you completely worn out and drained of desire to go on with your life.
Typically, divorces shatter the hopes and dreams – the ambitions – of both parties involved. Most of the time, the one who’s been victimised feels that he or she has no more purpose or inspiration for achievement. He or she feels that whatever they do, it won’t matter to the person they most wanted to do it for, so what does it matter what they do with themselves. This is the wrong kind of thinking! You musn’t let yourself think along these lines!
Divorce is terribly hard and an emotional blow that’s difficult to recover from, but it should not be “taken” as the end of everything. You have to accept it as the end of one period or chapter of your life; look at it as an opportunity for a new beginning, and build a better you from there.
Above all else, don’t panic. If you panic, you can’t think, and in order to make any progress in life, you’ve got to think. Don’t get dramatic and over dramatise your woes either in your imagination or in words – spoken or written. If your immediate situation seems overwhelming and you’re unable to see how you’ll ever make it through the next week, don’t start crying and feeling sorry for yourself – it will only bog you down with the inability to think clearly.
Don’t allow yourself to engage in post-mortems and/or nurse regrets. It’s important that you forget about the past – let it rest – there’s nothing you can do to change it – accept your situation as it is, and build your life to what you want it to be from this moment onward.
One of the most important things for you to do is to list on paper exactly, your present situation and then, one at a time, list your options and possible solutions to each problem. Don’t worry about finding a solution for everything all at once; just try to see clearly what your next step ought to be.
Always ask yourself what the right course is – remembering that if what you do isn’t right, then it’s wrong; and no wrong action ever works out right.
It’s imperative that you understand the emotional injury of your situation, but at the same time, it’s also imperative that you not stand still. In other words, you must quickly – without delay – regain control of your life and get on with the attainment of all your ambitions.
You do this by expunging the past, taking stock of your present situation, and making plans for the rest of your life – by deciding what you want out of life and how you intend to get what you want. Do it on paper and set realistic goals for yourself, as well as dates for attainment.
Happiness in life is a feeling of inner satisfaction you feel when you enjoy whatever you do – your work, your leisure time activities, and the people you associate with.
It doesn’t come from harbouring grudges – from attempting to be something you’re not – from expecting the world and/or the people around you to cater to your problems or desires – or from your position or status in life.
Indeed, happiness comes from your association and inner-action with other people. Thus, following a divorce, you must immediately begin mingling with other people and not only be empathetic relative to ways in which you can help them, but also interested in them as people. The more you reach out to help others, the more help you’ll receive in return; and at the bottom line, the greater your own personal happiness.
So, in order to attain happiness after a painful divorce – you must “close the book” on everything in the past; take stock of your present situation; lay out a “game plan” for what kind of life you want; start moving in a positive direction to achieve your ambitions; and even if you have to force yourself, make new friends and enjoy yourself.
Don’t go around sizing up or evaluating every man or woman you meet as a possible candidate for your next marriage – get on with your life – do what you have to do to attain your ambitions – inter-mingle with people and be a real friend – give yourself and other people a chance – and when the time is right, love will find you again.
You musn’t go looking for happiness or love for as surely as you do; you’ll never find it. You must be satisfied with yourself as a person – whatever it is you’re doing, you’re doing your best; attempting to always improve yourself; and you’re moving in a positive direction towards the fulfillment of the kind of person you want to be – and, you enjoy mingling with people; talking with them; helping them; and doing things with them.
Remember, to attain success in life you have to know what it is you want and how to get there. Once you’re on a positive road towards the attainment of success, you’ll find that it will come easily and quickly. With a positive direction in life, you’ll feel better about yourself and associating with other people as a friend will come about automatically. You’ll no longer think about the world or other people as threatening – in fact, you’ll enjoy being alive and the dawning of each new day – and that’s when you will really be happy.
Again, it’s a matter of getting on with your life – of forgetting about the past and moving positively towards the things that you want in life. Give in to the hurt you feel and you’ll surely waste away – Consider this a new start in life and it can all be yours – whatever you do, the choice is yours.